Sometimes life throws you a shitty stick.
I feel I have just caught a shitty twig. Whilst having my happy legs kicked from under me. Nothing major has happened. But I feel empty. What have I got to feel down about (intentionally leaving out the question mark - because it's not really a question). I have two beautiful grown up kids. I love the bones of them. They make me so proud. I have a wonderful husband (a bit of a grump at times but he makes me laugh and lights up my heart - he's my best buddy). I am financially secure - for now. I am healthy. I should be happy. And I was. Until yesterday. I was clear about our future. I could see it laid out before me. We've (the we being me and Stu) spent months thinking, looking and imagining. We've not rushed. We've taken our time. And then things seemed to fall into place. But they haven't. Have they. I have no idea what to do. I am at a complete loss. Some of the people I thought I could rely on who I thought would be happy for me - who would understand. They aren't. They don't. It seems after years of being selfless and doing my utmost for those close to me are not enough. I feel like they want blood. I feel like shouting and screaming. TAKE THE FUCKING LOT. I'm being a little dramatic. Really I just want to curl up in a ball and sob. I've worked hard. At raising a family. Looking after house and home. Earning the pennies that have kept us afloat. And now I feel the need for me and Stu time. Time to be a little more selfish (if that's even the right word). Sorry for being cryptic. But I have no one I can talk to. No one who can give me an unbiased opinion. So I am putting metaphorical pen to paper instead. Anyway - today I am trying to look around at the positives. The things that warm my heart. Trying to get myself motivated and give me reason to get dressed and face the world. To get me out of my office (it's 15C in here....a little chilly).
To be honest it's not really working. Today's photo: Me in Iceland. In snow. Wondering what the bloody hell I'm looking at.
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DebbieMe, my life, my family and my travels Archives
November 2022
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